After all these years, I'm back here again. I cringed a little reading back my previous posts lol. I wish I hadn't removed all my previous posts from day 1 of blogging. It'd be fun to read and those ones will probably be even more cringe worthy lol. Looking back, I realised I've come this far. TBH, I miss my young self. How motivated I was to turn over a new leaf after ditching my crazy lifestyle. I made promises to myself to be a better person and have a better life. Am I owning up to my words? I don't know. I'm not in a bad place but I could have been in a better one. I have lost all passion in what I believed in and what I want to achieve. Procrastination and denial are killing me slowly. I know I can do it but I need to pick myself up again and I don't know where to start. Should I still hang on to this? I have been doubting but on the other hand, I feel like I'm only making excuses for myself because I have lost passion in what I'm doing. A part of me want to stay on and try to achieve something I have always set myself to, but another part of me is telling me I do not have much time to waste. Sandwiched in between the devil and angel in me. Everyday I wake up thinking to myself, what should I do today to make a change? It always ended up as purely thoughts and no action. I'm all over the place right now. I know I can create something beautiful for myself but first of all, I need to get myself out of this current state I'm in. It's slowly draining every bit of positive energy in me. I don't want to give up just yet because I know I can and I will. Hang on and make yourself proud

I often wondered to myself, what are my aims? where is this leading me to? is this what I truly want? And it all comes down to one question... am I on the right path? Sometimes I am certain but at times I'm unsure. All these confusions leads to those questions above. Not all questions have an answer. I have yet to find my answers but I believe as long as I go on and never give up, I will one day. 

"You have no rights to regret if you haven't tried." Heard this phrase at a meeting last weekend. I can't agree more. If you haven't tried, you haven't live. We only get to live once, so make the best out of it. Avoid as many what ifs in life. Never try never know. It could lead you to failure but it might also lead you to success. Life is unpredictable but it is beautiful that way. Think on the positive side of life. It will make you a better person. 

I wouldn't say I am positive all the time, but I try to stay positive. I learn that no matter how tough life may be, I still have to go on. And I will give it my best. Determination and a strong mind is all I need. I am proud to say I have gone through so much and I am much tougher now. Long way more to go but I believe all hard work does pays off. I will never give up even if it kills me ♥

While I was doing my usual scrolling on fb home page, I suddenly decided to edit my education info; you know, now that I'm starting uni all over again -.-' , I just thought that I should update my fb friends a little about where I'm going to for uni. I know nobody cares but whatever. That is why they have the education info tab for, no? Checked for other infos to see if there is anything I wish to add/ change. When I came across contact info, I saw my blog link and it reminds me of this super dead blog. So I decided to drop by. Read back the two posts and then it hits me that I was suppose to start a new life here and blog about it. That is the whole reason why I deleted the older posts. -.- But being the usual forgetful me, I obviously forgotten about it totally. -.-'  So I thought I should just update for the sake of the promise I made to myself and also because I really don't have other better things to do now. haha. so why not?


So.... ahh same boring question - where should I begin? =.=


Since I was talking about uni earlier on, I think I should just update about uni. Uni uni uni... boring, I know. Every boring blogger students always update about uni most the time. Because that is what we boring blogger students ever do! Unless you're one of those rich/popular student that has adventurous life. Sadly, I'm not one of those. My life is boring as hell! The last thing you'd ever want is to live life like mine. Need to stop ranting about my life because it's a never ending topic. Move on to happier things...


I am starting uni on monday! yay! :D

Okay, that was so not me... Anyone who knows me would definitely know its a nay for me when it comes to uni. I don't attend classes, I don't do work, I do my assignments a day before it dues, and the worse thing I have ever done in uni was skipping final exam. Dafuq?! Why? I got the same respond from almost everyone. It was due to personal issues. I was so out of my mind. What was I thinking back then? I have no freaking idea. This is one of the main reason why I was sent to Melbourne. Its a punishment from my parents! More like torture... :( Did I mention that I'm starting uni all over again? oh I did. There you have your answer why!


I actually find coming to Melbourne to be a great start for me. I have to admit that I have somehow changed. I'm more independent now and I finally found my aim in life. I have a dream I want to chase after. I find my life less meaningless. Every time people ask me this question, I was not able to give a good answer. It's more like a bullshit answer that I always give. And it annoys me every time people ask. I would be thinking ' don't you have a better question to start our conversation?' And this question is...Where would you see yourself in 5 years time? I really don't know. I wasn't thinking so far forward. And I always try to figure out the right answer for myself, the answer I am happy with. I finally found the answer. But there are some obstacles now. I hope everything will turn out fine then I will be one step closer to my dream. As much as I would like to announce what the answer is, I can't. I don't need any judgemental comments at the moment. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed and praying for the best outcome. When I told a friend about this dream of mine, he told me to do what I think is best for me. And never give up even if it kills me. I am one who easily gives up and this attitude of mine is not going to get me anywhere near my dream. Thus, I have made a promised to myself that if everything goes well, I would ditch all my bad attitudes and habits and everything that comes in my way. I would do whatever it takes to prove people wrong. Action speaks louder than words. So I shouldn't be talking much. Should do something about it instead of hoping and praying for things to go my way.


So let's move on to... another boring topic..


Life in Melbourne is really boring for me. I don't have much friends here. Maybe just one or two that I would actually hang out with. So most of the time I'll be at home doing what I do best, sleeping! haha. Hopefully things will get better when I start uni. I need to learn to socialize. I am freaking bad at it. There are so much to learn here. It's exciting yet scary. Exciting because I'm about to experience a whole new different stage of life. Scary because I'm not sure if I could adapt to it or even fit in. Being left behind and unable to fit in is the worse experience you can ever get in uni! Uni should be fun and adventurous. I hope mine would turn out to be one. I also need to get a job! I cannot just go to uni 3 days a week and do nothing for the remaining 4 days. Hang out with friends? What if  I don't have any? *touch wood* haha. I mean I cannot always ask my friends to make time for me. Maybe they have other better things to do. Why do I always make my life sound so sad...-.- It's not that sad actually. I exaggerated. I need extra money for shopping and also for pressies for my loved ones. I want the best for them. Maybe not the best but good enough for my budget :) or maybe pamper myself to a short vacation with the boy to somewhere I could afford with that kind of money. I cannot always expect him to pay for everything. It's more like pampering him but it makes me happy when he's happy. So pampering him is like pampering myself as well. I'm such a good girlfriend. You're one lucky bastard, Simon Yap! :DD 


Woah, this was suppose to be a simple update on what's happening in my life recently but it has clearly turned into a long ass post. haha. I feel kinda relieved after spilling here. I think I'll be returning more often. Only if my teeny weeny brain remembers. haha. 


As usual, how can a female blogger post a blog post without uploading pictures, right? So to complete my post...




Till then..

Boring Thursday night. It's almost weekend soon! Another week going by. It feels like I've not done anything productive since the day I came. Oh wait, I haven't done anything productive. I've been such a lazy worm staying in all day and sleeping. Today was rather different. Went to look for jobs on swanston st. I was only expecting to walk around the street and drop off my resume at any stores that has position available. Surprisingly, when I was at the 3rd store, the manager asked me to do a trial immediately. And I instantly said okay! I was rather nervous and excited at the same time. I've only worked in a retail store once which was 2 yrs back and it was a pretty easy job cause that shop was real dead so I only sit at the cashier most of the time.This store is real busy because everything is dirt cheap! like $30 for 2 pairs of shoes. Insane I know! I had to climb up and down to look for shoe sizes! The trial was supposed to be 2 and a half hour but I worked more than that without getting paid =.= ... By the end of the trial, the manager said, 'you started at about 2, right? (it was 530pm that time) You can go now. We'll call you back in 2 to 3 days. If you don't get our calls means you're not fit for this position'. Dafuq?! Wasted half the day in that store! :/ I walked away feeling so disappointed but relieved at the same time. Disappointed because I felt like I did a pretty bad job back there. Relieved because I don't have to climb up and down to look for shoe sizes anymore!


Now I'm back home alone. Sister went to work and my housemate, Eileen is not back yet. Heated up the tomato soup we made yesterday and that's my dinner. I can't cook so I'm not taking the risk to try. Burning up the kitchen doesn't sound like a good idea to me. So yeah, tomato soup it is. Its healthy and low fat! And tomato is good for skin! Gahh I'm just trying to make myself better and I guess I just made it worse. I felt so useless. =.=


When I feel useless, I camwhore. I do things that I think I'm good at. No, I suck at camwhoring. I always couldn't get the right angle. Not even with the front camera. I'm really good at nothing. I don't know anything about Photoshop so angle is really important. That's the only way I could deceive people. I will work on capturing the right angle. I will take thousands of pictures a day from tomorrow onward! I am so bored that I started typing things that doesn't make sense. oh god.


                                           I can't even wink! I really don't know what I am good at.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

It's my sixth day here. I'm done unpacking and got most of the basic necessities. Just need to get some furniture for the room then everything will be done. Sis has been really hardworking searching for 2nd hand furniture on the web. She wants my stay here to be comfy even though she had to use up almost 50% of her savings just to get me nice furniture as she knows I'm a really demanding person. She's such a sweet sister. I promise I'll never let you down anymore. I've been so rebellious back in Malaysia and she's the only person who understands me. My parents may seem like they've completely lost hope in me but I know deep down inside, they love and care for me a lot. It has been really hard on my parents because they had to fork out money for my studies here. This is the reason why I did not rebel against them when they forced me to come here. I know they're doing this for my own good. I may not have the best parents ever (sometimes I really think that my family is quite screwed up) but I learnt that everything happens for a reason and I have to accept the fact and just move on with life and make the best out of it. I don't come from a rich family either, just average but I will learn to be contented with what I have. I promise I will do the best I could and be the obedient little girl I used to be again. I love my family as much as I love my life.